Brighter Days

February was a cold month. The heating bill was higher than expected and they hadn't anticipated the cost of the doctor visits. David was beginning to worry about paying the rent on the meager salary that he received from Melpar. The joy that he experienced by moving them into a place of their own was beginning to dissipate as the reality of survival set in. Uncle Ronnie had suggested that he take the federal postal worker exam. He was concerned about his ability to pass the thing, but with anticipation, he took his uncle's advice. Now, he only needed to wait for the results.

Nancy, walking around the apartment in a thick, wool sweater, stuck her head out the front door. "Looks like it may snow," she said. "Oh great," replied David, oozing with sarcasm. "That is all we need right now, more snow." She slid next to him on the couch. "You're quite grumpy today. Bad day at work?" He looked away from the TV, into her questioning eyes, and said in a vacant tone, "no, it's just that I still haven't heard back from the Postal Service and I sort of need to know, with the baby coming in less than a month." She thought for a moment, and then said, "David, you know, maybe we should pray about it." He snorted. "Humph. Pray about it? Why? Do you think God cares about our rent money? If there is a God, I am sure that he is too busy to worry about our finances. Besides, since when did you start praying?" Nancy got up and walked over to the kitchen area. She decided to drop the subject because she didn't want to start another fight. Lately, David had been getting angry with her for the smallest comments. She barely had to speak without igniting his anger and sometimes even rage. She didn't understand what was happening to him, to their happy marriage.

Things were really bad two nights ago. David had come home from work, tired and frustrated because their monthly income was not covering the expenses. She suggested that they ask his parents for help. It didn't go over well. He started shouting, and she reacted by shouting back. Before she knew it, he had pulled back his fist as though he would strike her, but pushed her instead. He bolted for the door and sped off before she realized what had happened. Nancy then made her way to the bed and began sobbing into her pillow. Never before had she seen such anger in his eyes. They were not his eyes, not the loving gaze of her David. As she sobbed, she felt as hollow inside as he looked in his eyes. She felt scared, unsure of what to do. She couldn't go home. Her mother made it quite clear that she was now "on her own." She had no money, no job–she was stuck.

She was alone, yet she began to remember a time when she felt very similar to the way that she was feeling now. She was 11 years old, sitting in a church service, in the back pew. She was with her mother and brothers, yet she felt alone–a growing girl, with a widening hole in her heart. A sharp pain had entered her as she listened to the hymns about a God who loved her. She couldn't understand the concept of father. She had lost her dad and was having trouble remembering the feeling of his warm embrace, his smiling eyes, and his love for his only daughter. She started to weep right in the middle of the service, just as the pastor was getting up to preach his sermon. She couldn't stop, the hole felt as though it was growing, and she thought it might even swallow up the entire room. She wanted to hide, as she heard her own voice echoing in the building. It started small, like a whimpering puppy, but grew into intense, body-shaking sobs. Her mother was embarrassed, and chided her to stop, but the pastor left the alter and came back to the pew to sit with her. He prayed for her and as her cries began to subside, she felt a strange peace come over her– a peace that she had never felt before. The pain and the loneliness seemed to be distant now, as if struggling to stay with her, but not finding a home anymore. Then the pastor told her something that she again remembered. He said, "Anytime you feel alone or afraid or anytime the pain returns, simply go to Him and pray. He will help you because he loves you. Jesus loves you Nancy.”

Here she was, seven years later, finding herself alone once again. She felt the old, familiar companions of fear and abandonment, knocking on the door of her heart. She heard the voice of the pastor echoing in her mind. So she did what he had told her to do–she began to pray.

She was startled out her memory of the other night, as she found herself standing in the kitchen, being brought back to the present, by the sound of the ringing phone. She picked it up. “Hello? Uh hum. Yes…yes he is, just one moment please. David? The phone is for you. It’s the Post Office.”